I hate it when your boyfriend breaks up with you and then you go to a new year’s party and see the guy you used to date three years back and still sort of have feelings for and then when he walks by he touches the small of your back and smiles down at you with those big beautiful blue eyes that seem to continue on until the end of time and then he takes you into a bedroom and lays you down and you feel like you’re spinning and floating and you just want to evaporate into the moment and stay there forever because when he holds your hand or traces his finger along your skin you become lost in the world and everything in it and when he moves closer to kiss you it’s game over because you know that you’ve fallen fallen fallen like you’ve never fallen before and all the memories and feelings and lost emotions from the past three years comes flying back at you and then you’re pushing him away because this isn’t right and it’s what you want but it’s what you can never have and instead of sitting there and letting yourself fall harder and farther into the hole you’ve dug, you’d rather stand up and walk out of the room and face reality and the knife that’s bound to make it’s way through your heart sooner or later because nothing ever turns out the way you want and you hate boys that you want but already have girlfriends but make you feel like you’re on top of the world and you’re in the bathroom brushing your teeth but you can’t scrub the taste of him out of your mouth and no matter how many times you wash your shirt you know his smell will linger there forever.

/end rant because i’m out of breath